Carl Muller - Who's the fairest of them all?

The looks of a nation

Q. After you've viewed the famous monuments, sampled the local cuisine and danced to the quaint tunes people listen to outside the M25, what do you do next on holiday? In fact, if you are the average young tourist what do you look at first? ;-)

A. The local talent of course! Naturally, individual differences usually outweigh any slight national predispositions, but I have noticed that cuties are easier to spot in some countries than others, so here are a few over-broad generalisations, with countries ranked from cutest to homeliest. I'm not really qualified to talk about females, so these comments apply just to guys.

Czechs Cute like china dolls. Also they get around Europe a lot and are quite friendly! I actually think that the reputation for trustworthiness that Czech guys have with the Germans has helped their bid for EU membership :-)

Russians Alabaster skin because of the weather, fit bodies because of the non-existance of junk food, and sharp haircuts because of the compulsory military service. Of course, you have to get them before the vodka sets in.

Eurasians Smooth skin from their mother's side and more prominent features from their father's makes for some really cute guys.

Brazilians Tanned, muscular and well-proportioned.

Thais Friendly and gorgeous.

British The overcast weather and the lack of beaches unpolluted enough to swim in helps British guys to have lovely skin, right into middle age in the case of Cliff Richard and Gary Lineker. Perhaps the local water, which seems to be made up of 100% limescale also plays a part. Smooth chests and a lower calorie diet than the European average make for some nice cuties.

Germans Nice chests. Pity about the accent, and how older men are over-keen on turning their skin into leather with the help of the sun.

Maori, Tongans, Samoans Wonderful built-in tans and cuddly baby-fat. Unfortunately after about 25 years the baby-fat takes over.

French Know how to dress, eat, look seductive. Also have lovely accent.

Japanese Keep their looks for ages. Can be enigmatic, though always friendly.

Albanians Nice chests, great six-packs and interesting faces. Try to dress like Italians doing "grunge" but don't quite pull it off. Eager to do well.

Italians Chests not great, but very passionate to talk to. The best dressers in the world. Sometimes do designer grunge. Unaware of the concept of short trousers. I thought I saw an Italian in shorts once, but I was mistaken.

Pakeha (NZ), Australians Yummy when young, but too much sun takes its toll early on. The hole in the ozone layer has a lot to answer for, as it prematurely ages anyone outdoors.

Americans Hollywood stars are stunning (but then they are mostly foreigners anyway, e.g. Keanu Reeves, Arnold Swarzenegger, Jean-Claude van Damme). For the rest of the population it's a case of either too much sun or too much food. They also tend to have part of their interesting bits chopped off as babies. Perhaps this is why the US always supports Israel ;-)

Have got no idea about how to make erotic films (although My Own Private Idaho was quite good).

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Czechs	Cute like china dolls. Also they get around Europe a lot and are quite friendly! I actually think that the reputation for trustworthiness that Czech guys have with the Germans has helped their bid for EU membership :-)
Russians	Alabaster skin because of the weather, fit bodies because of the non-existance of junk food, and sharp haircuts because of the compulsory military service. Of course, you have to get them before the vodka sets in.
Eurasians	Smooth skin from their mother's side and more prominent features from their father's makes for some really cute guys.
Brazilians	Tanned, muscular and well-proportioned.
Thais	Friendly and gorgeous.
British	The overcast weather and the lack of beaches unpolluted enough to swim in helps British guys to have lovely skin, right into middle age in the case of Cliff Richard and Gary Lineker. Perhaps the local water, which seems to be made up of 100% limescale also plays a part. Smooth chests and a lower calorie diet than the European average make for some nice cuties.
Germans	Nice chests. Pity about the accent, and how older men are over-keen on turning their skin into leather with the help of the sun.
Maori, Tongans, Samoans	Wonderful built-in tans and cuddly baby-fat. Unfortunately after about 25 years the baby-fat takes over.
French	Know how to dress, eat, look seductive. Also have lovely accent.
Japanese	Keep their looks for ages. Can be enigmatic, though always friendly.
Albanians	Nice chests, great six-packs and interesting faces. Try to dress like Italians doing "grunge" but don't quite pull it off. Eager to do well.
Italians	Chests not great, but very passionate to talk to. The best dressers in the world. Sometimes do designer grunge. Unaware of the concept of short trousers. I thought I saw an Italian in shorts once, but I was mistaken.
Pakeha (NZ), Australians	Yummy when young, but too much sun takes its toll early on. The hole in the ozone layer has a lot to answer for, as it prematurely ages anyone outdoors.
Americans	Hollywood stars are stunning (but then they are mostly foreigners anyway, e.g. Keanu Reeves, Arnold Swarzenegger, Jean-Claude van Damme). For the rest of the population it's a case of either too much sun or too much food. They also tend to have part of their interesting bits chopped off as babies. Perhaps this is why the US always supports Israel ;-) Have got no idea about how to make erotic films (although My Own Private Idaho was quite good).